Collecting Insults

Last week, I received a very nice form letter thanking me for my contribution to an important project. I printed it and saved it. It will be a nice artifact to add to my annual scrapbook and/or as a reference in my library annual report.

Speaking of annual reports, in July, I created my annual infographic and I'm pretty pleased with the result. Every year, I tinker with the layout and the key items to include. This year, I included some more testimonials.

Big shout-out to Canva - not only do I design my library infographics in Canva, I have them printed by Canva and their 9" x 4" format looks great (as long as you don't make the font size too small).

All these accolades could give me a swollen head, but that doesn't happen. Take this post of mine from 2012, entitled "10 Good Things, 1 Bad - Guess What Sticks in My Mind?"; I can't help but remember the failures and wrong steps. People recommend you have a "pick me up" folder containing cards and notes filled with praise and encouragement from others, for when you need them to lift you up when you are down. I agree. I don't possess an actual folder of the opposite type: one because those incidents already live rent-free in my head, and two because my husband made me throw out the letter I received from my ex-best friend in which she listed at length all the faults she found with me as a human being. I thought it would be an interesting thought exercise to examine the various times that I was told I was a terrible teacher.

Teachers' College - Letter to the Editor

I used to write for the York University Faculty of Education newspaper. One time, I wrote a satirical article about my dislike for Barney the Dinosaur. The newspaper editor, which I think at the time may have been my friend Angela Dawson (who is now Angela McCabe - fellow York U Fac of Ed grad Wendy Kaell - do you recall who was the editor at the time?) received a letter of complaint from a reader. The reader said something like I wasn't fit to be an elementary school teacher with my negative attitude and hard heart towards such a beloved icon like Barney.

Teachers' College - my Host Teacher

I participated in the concurrent program of the Faculty of Education at York University. That meant that it took me three years to earn my Bachelor of Education degree, with three separate, year-long practice teaching placements. One of my host teachers, who will remain nameless, really made me question whether I was cut out to be a teacher. She insisted that I keep my lesson plans right on my lap because I had to say exactly what I had planned to say because she said I was not good at speaking without notes. Unlike the letter to the editor, this kind of criticism was hard to brush aside, because it came from someone that had experience and had first-hand knowledge of my teaching methods. I have to say, it took me YEARS to stop myself from having my lesson plans right next to me so I could refer to them to ensure I was saying and doing "the right thing". The ironic thing about my experience with this host teacher is that she would laud the other teacher candidates in the building (and I wasn't even allowed to sit in "her" rocking chair) but when it came time for our final teaching block, she was a lot more critical of the others, whom she observed because she was the adjunct professor (aka university liaison in the school). 

First Ten Years - Principal Comments

After a number of years at my first school, I moved on to a different one. The principal who hired me chose to retire, so in the fall I met the new principal. She was quite different than the administrator I was expecting to work under. It must have been quite challenging for everyone because there were six new people on staff that year, including the principal and both chairpersons. (I also served as the primary chair, in addition to being the teacher-librarian.) The principal didn't always have a kind or sympathetic approach to any of my struggles. I remember one time that both the principal and vice-principal were away at some board event. I was in charge and they had arranged for a supply teacher to cover my teaching duties so I could be free to deal with office issues. It was a disaster. Other teachers got sick and had to leave mid-day, so I gave away my supply teacher to cover a class. I think we had a lock down and I definitely know I had to make a Children's Aid Society report. I had to deal with an irate grandparent who was incensed that a kindergarten teacher made a comment she didn't like, and tried to make me smell a child's underwear to prove a point. When other teachers got word of the absolute circus erupting outside their classrooms, a few started to send down chocolate bars as sympathy gifts for me. I phoned the principal to ask her to return to the school, because I was totally out of my league, and she refused. When the principal returned and I told her about all the problems, her comment was something like "Well, you want to be a principal, so you may as well get used to it.". Let me clarify: I was only the primary chair person because the last teacher-librarian was also the chair, and I never had any aspirations of becoming a principal. I only stayed in that school for a year and on my last day, after putting in countless hours weeding the entire collection that hadn't been touched in decades, the principal's final comments to me focused on the "messy" professional resources collection and what a shame that I was leaving the library in such poor condition for my successor.

First Ten Years - Forest of Reading Selection Committee Member

I've always been pretty active in participating in learning opportunities that support my teaching in the school library. For many years, I volunteered on the Forest of Reading Silver Birch Selection Committee, helping to select the nominated books for the Forest of Reading. In 2006, Three Wishes by Deborah Ellis was one of the nominated books. There was a lot of controversy around the book - you can read about it here on the Freedom to Read website. What this summary doesn't mention is that there were several letters written to the Ontario Library Association and to various school boards calling for all the individuals who were part of the group that selected the book be fired from their jobs in education. Thankfully this call for my termination was not taken seriously.

First Twenty Years - Trainer Criticism

Sometimes adults, especially educators, can be the worst kind of students. I used to be a trainer for a program that used to be known as Tribes, and have had to deal with several negative experiences related to the training. I used to do school-based trainings for the board and trainings for Faculty of Education students as part of their university experience and I've had some pretty awful comments directed at me or reported to my superiors. Some of those comments stopped me from training for five years (from 2008 - 2013) and Moses Velasco encouraged me to try again. (It wasn't exactly smooth sailing on the return voyage; Moses, you probably don't remember this, but I will always treasure the way you helped me deal with comments that was unreasonable instead of constructive.) I no longer have any dealings with what is now known as the Peace Learning Center approach, even though I appreciate the things I learned in terms of attentive listening and building community.

Most Recent Years - Teaching AQs

You'd think that after what's coming on 27 years of teaching, that I'd be immune from the impact of receiving these kind of negative reviews. No such luck. I've been teaching Additional Qualification courses since 2018. My first couple of years as an AQ instructor was through a blended model of ten days in person and the rest online. I was blessed with the opportunity of revamping not one, but two different Teacher Librarianship AQ courses for two separate universities. Part of the arrangement was that I would be the first person to teach the revised course, to determine if there were any changes that needed to be made to the content or approach. When I did this for a new-to-me organization in 2021, it was completely online and with a different Learning Management System. I was nervous and rusty, and a particular course participant made it extra difficult. Right from the very first moment we conversed, she made her discontent quite clear. I kept copious notes and documented all our interactions. I wasn't surprised by her course evaluation at the end of the session but the words still hurt. She told the university that I was unfit to continue as an instructional leader in any capacity. Thankfully, the university took this feedback with a grain of salt, and compared it to the other complimentary evaluations I received. They continue to employ me, as does another university on a regular basis, to facilitate their Teacher Librarianship AQs.

So, are there any lessons to learn from these examples? I'm not sure. What about one of these points?

• you can't be everything to everyone
• you can't make everyone like you
• take criticisms within context; don't let them destroy you
• try your best to do your job
• never give up
• stay humble