I've got to confess that I have never been a big fan of work socials in general, and Christmas staff parties specifically. Why? My reluctance can be attributed to a combination of my own personality and past experiences.
- December is a hectic time of year and a staff social feels like just *another* expectation on a kilometer-long list of things to do.
- At previous schools, we had a lot of "enforced socialization", which chafed me; there can be a difference between work colleagues and friends. I've been a teacher for a long time and I can't say that every fellow teacher I've shared a school with qualified as a friend.
- There are a lot of "social minefields" to navigate when at a festive gathering with people you work with: How are you expected to behave? What can/can't you discuss? To what extent should you mingle? Should you or others imbibe (if alcohol is something you partake in at parties)?
- Cliques sometimes rise to the surface in uncomfortable ways. I remember going to a pre-winter-break party (not with my current staff) at a restaurant, arriving early and being told "sorry, these seats are saved" for other teachers and their spouses.
- Gift games are just not my thing, especially the ones where gifts get "traded" or "stolen". Buying and giving gifts are a personal process to me and I feel uncomfortable with the commodification that characterizes some of these fun gift exchanges. (Even Secret Santa can become awkward, as a recent news story involving a text exchange between co-workers can attest.)
Having said that, I attended my staff Christmas party this year and had an enjoyable time. What made the difference? Why did I have fun?
- A lot of choice was built into the evening, and this is thanks to the social committee. The start time was flexible. (Thank goodness, because I got lost and was the last to arrive.) The end time was flexible. (I'm grateful for that, too, because I was the last to leave because I was busy playing a board game with the daughters of our host.) We didn't have to participate in the gift exchange if we didn't want to. A small amount of money was collected towards the dinner and there was plenty of food (and lots of options for those on staff with different food allergies and intolerances). It was BYOB for those who wanted a stronger drink (and no one got drunk).
- The location of the party (a teacher's house) was big enough that flexible groups could form and re-form throughout the evening for different conversations.
- My current staff consists of a lot of pleasant people that are welcoming and considerate.
- I've worked at the same school since 2004, so I'm comfortable and familiar with many of my coworkers. There are new staff members every year, but I try to connect with them starting in September so that we aren't strangers.
- No one brings their spouse to this party. This may be a deal-breaker to some, but I find that there's additional stress if I have to worry if my husband and I are both enjoying ourselves.
Now comes the family gatherings, with their own unique dynamics and protocol. May everyone enjoy the break. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, and enjoy the final days of 2018.
I think you summed up here so many of my thoughts on holiday staff parties. The funny thing is that I prefer a party at a restaurant versus someone’s home. I think there’s a greater potential for excessive drinking at a house versus out. I’m not a big drinker anyway, but I never drink at staff socials. I think there is just too much potential for problems. And I agree with you about the gift exchange. My reason for disliking it though is that I’ve been on staffs where people buy really inappropriate gifts. I’m not good with the public embarrassment that could ensue, despite how many laughs come from these kinds of exchanges. My current staff rarely does an exchange, but when they do, all of the gifts are appropriate. This seems to reduce stress for me. Thanks for writing this post! As you can see, you’re not alone on many of these stressors!
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Thanks Aviva - I used to feel like a bit of a humbug or Grinch when I'd refuse to attend a party (didn't you title one of your blog posts with the word Holiday Humbug?) but once those accommodations were made, it's so much easier and I go more often. Another point I forgot to mention about restaurant socials is that I find it difficult to hear and follow along conversations in noisy restaurants, which means I talk either just to the person beside me or not at all. (Sometimes I wonder if there's a bit of ASD in me, but that's another blog post.)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for tackling this one, my friend. I have been at the point of choosing not to attend the staff party at all, due to some of the factors you've mentioned. This year, I enjoyed myself immensely at my staff's social, which was very different from yours, but shared some important attributes. We gathered at a local pub, with a 5:00 start. People who wanted to eat a meal did. People who wanted an app and a drink had that. If you didn't want to drink alcohol, you didn't. It was comfy, people moved freely between tables and visited. People came and went over the two hours or so. It was low expectation, low stress, and that made it work.
ReplyDeleteI need to do some more thinking about all of this.....thanks for the provocation
Oh yes, Diana! I often feel like the Holiday Humbug or Grinch. Your last comment is an interesting one. I’d love a blog post on that topic. You’re making me wonder about some of my own ASD characteristics (but then again, a nonverbal learning disability — which I do have — has many overlapping characteristics too).
ReplyDeleteAviva
Thanks for this blog post and for summing up a lot of my thoughts. I generally don't attend the staff christmas party for all of those reasons. Good to hear them being articulated by someone else - definitely makes me feel like less of a Grinch!
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