Not Okay

 I am going to immediately contradict the title of this blog post by saying that, in the grand scheme of things, I am actually fine. 

Heavy heart today - I had no clue about yesterday's US news (family health crisis + trying to teach my F2F Gr5-6s virtually this week). Must determine how to address this AND the "2 more weeks virtual" switch with my Ss (I get why but it's going to crush some)

— Diana Maliszewski (@MzMollyTL) January 8, 2021

I wrote this tweet a little over a week ago. I had to take my father to the hospital because, after a three-way phone call with Telehealth Ontario on January 6, the registered nurse recommended he go to the ER ASAP because of issues he had been ignoring. I took him to his GP January 14 for his follow-up appointment. This will result in more appointments with specialists and possibly an operation. There are some positive developments as a result of this conversation with his physician, thank goodness. I'm relieved that things are being dealt with - but my dad is not okay.

I changed my Zoom background to a photo of my classroom, but I had to remove it. The image was too much for some of the students and hurt their hearts; they said it reminded them too much of what they cannot currently have. This past week, I had to inform my 24 students that we were not returning back to in-person school until February 10 (5 weeks away, not the original 2 as I thought on January 8), and there is a chance that this date may be delayed even further. I keep a copy of every day's back-channel / chat box, and I have to share that reading the written reactions of the students was heartbreaking. They were so upset and even though we worked hard as a group to deal with the unhappy news - my students are not okay.

This past weekend, I composed an email to a parent who shared how the recent two weeks of pivoting to virtual learning has been for her child. I felt compelled to reply, even though it is recommended that teachers do not answer emails during off-hours. This poor mom was frazzled and worried - as you can guess, these parents are not okay.

I thought about continuing this blog by focusing on toxic positivity (here is an article published December 2020 on the topic) or trauma-informed teaching (in fact, this article from Tolerance.Org deals directly with trauma-informed teaching related to the COVID-19 pandemic), but who has time to research, read and digest these things? I've got report cards to write (although I'm nearly finished all of my report cards because I devoted time each day during the holiday to address a portion of the marking, calculating, or comment-writing).To paraphrase someone from Twitter, it's not enough to send your employees an email with a link to mental health resources. My principal is doing a good thing - he's booked a regular "touch-base-time" with his staff every Tuesday. It's less of a staff meeting and more of a wellness check to see each other and see how we are doing.

So, for those parents who are not okay: I see you. I'm here for you. Forget about forcing your child to complete work, especially if it makes things unpleasant at home; we'll get to it when we can.

For the students who are not okay: This situation stinks. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I will continue reduce the workload and try to make our time together as fun as possible and maintain as many of our regular routines as we can.

For my own father who is not okay: I'm here for you through both good and bad. I know you are worried about me having to take you to doctor's appointments and you are super-stressed about your health and mom's care; I am here to help and I promise to take care of myself.

For me, who is okay most days but has a slip now and then: I've got some wonderful friends and my immediate family (hubby James, daughter Mary - who turned 21 this weekend - and son Peter) who are keeping a sharp eye out for me. I won't beat myself up over the should-haves or could-haves (especially related to exercise and how I spend my time) and just keep my one-word mantra in mind: be well.